Oh to miss...

Well, it's going on 6 months since I last saw my daughter. She a little over 1 year old when my wife and I left her in Yerevan with my in-laws. Words obviously cannot describe how much I miss her, and most parents simply cannot and do not understand why we "left her there". I just wanted to write about the good and bad of this experience, so I hope you enjoy reading.

The Bad: I remember clearly, it was very early on the morning of June 5, 2007 when I last saw my daughter. We had been packing our luggage all night, well at least my wife had. I had been sick and wasn't really able to help too much. We knew the next few minutes could very well have been the hardest of our lives. My daughter Ani was sleeping in her crib next to the bed from which I had recently awoken. My wife and I were both hating and yet trying to cherish every last second with our baby. The hardest part was knowing that Ani lay sleeping, dreaming in a far away place, not realizing that the two people who had spent every second at her side were about to travel no less than 7,500 miles away from her. It's hard even now to describe it without wanting to cry all over again. But I just remember holding her precious little hand and crying, wondering if she would miss me during the many months of separation, and if she'd even remember me when we were reunited, and when that would be?

It may sound funny, but I just remember Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing" playing over and over again in my head at that moment - and does every time I recall those last moments with my daughter. I think the song is more about a man and a woman in love, but trust me it's a tear-jerker for me.

My wife and I cried together over the peaceful shadow of our sleeping daughter and then, as difficult as it was - we left for the airport without looking back. Oh, it may sound like it was a walk in the park, but I assure you I remember it being like someone knocked the wind out of me. I felt, empty, breathless, and miserable for a long time.

The Good: Something good had to come out of the difficulty of being without our daughter for 6 months. There is one general theme to this situation that makes me happy. I grew up without a culture, and I felt that emptiness growing up. So by allowing my daughter to spend the earliest times of her life in her motherland, I'm giving her something that was robbed from me, from my family. I pray these moments, these memories will not be lost on her, I pray they stick with her throughout her life and fill her with warmth, love and happiness, and most of all always remain with her as fond memories of a sense of home. For this, our tears will have paid a legitimate price, our feelings of emptiness filled with the satisfaction of purpose. Our daughter will not have left our home - we're the ones that left home.

May God grant us the strength to continue this until our daughter is in our arms again...